bottle feeding success

Not much to report today. Clay's in Brownsville for a deposition, and around 4:00 one of my former school co-workers is coming over to meet Benjamin. (I'm looking forward to hearing all the school gossip!)

bedtime last night

Last night we bottle-fed Benjamin for the first time. The lactation specialist had suggested that if we are ever going to want to go on a date night or have someone else give him a bottle, he needs to be introduced to the concept soon. So instead of giving him his supplemental expressed milk through the syringe, we tried the special type of bottle she had suggested. He took to it right away, so that's one potential problem we seem to have avoided.

bouncy chair

It's gotten tricky trying to pump milk three times a day as well as feeding (as well as getting anything else done). I can't pump right before or right after he nurses, and I can't hold him while I'm pumping. This had led to a bit of unhappiness on his part, but he's adjusting a bit better today. Luckily I have a bouncy chair in the study (where the pump is set up) where he can at least watch me even though I can't hold him.

Huh. I just realized: for the first time Benjamin is giving me signs that he obviously cares if he is near me (when I left him in his swing in the living room and came to the study to pump he cried, but when I brought him into the study with me, he's been content to sit in his chair and stare at things.) Previously it didn't seem to matter if he was near me or Clay or not: if he was unhappy and going to cry it he would do it regardless of everything else.  This both makes me happy and makes me realize that we have a long future together of never-being-separated. That's okay though, as long as it doesn't involve too much screaming!  :)

P.S. I just made an appointment for Benjamin to see the Pediatric Ear, Nose, & Throat specialist next Wednesday!

"Well" visit & pics

 We had Benjamin's next "well visit" at the pediatrician's today. Instead of taking his normal lunch break, Clay met me at the doctor's office so he could be there for the appointment.

So far, Benjamin has grown a quarter inch in length in the last month and put on a pound in weight. After telling the doctor what I've been discussing with the lactation specialist and how I've been supplementing, he was happy to send a referral for Benjamin to a local pediactric ear, nose, and throat specialist. So tomorrow I'm going to call that doctor and see about getting Benjamin an appointment.

Benjamin is always in his best mood of the day right after his breakfast feeding, so I got out the camera this morning to see if I could capture it. He still hasn't smiled (except in passing (gas)), but now that he's almost a month, that will hopefully come soon!

Spaced out and happy

Not much news today. I've been following the lactation consultant's directions today and last night, and Benjamin definitely seems more pleased after each feeding now that he's getting more (through supplementation). He was also a bit more calm last night.

Today was also a better day because I got to go see my friend Elicia, her lovely 3-year old daughter, and her baby son (who is just two months older than Benjamin). I can't wait until Benjamin is older so they can interact more.

The picture is of Benjamin in his "backpack". I think it looks like a space suit.

I dream of baby

tiger in a tree!

I've been having baby worry dreams pretty much since I brought him home from the hospital (I mostly dream that I'm holding the baby, and panic when I realize I can't feel him), but last night was the worst so far. This morning Clay asked me if I remembered waking him up in a real panic last night and handing him my alarm clock, and asking if he'd hold "the baby". Then almost immediately, I got even more worried and asked him where "the baby" was. Poor, poor, Clay.

I went back to the lactation specialist today. Benjamin now weighs 7 lbs 11 oz, (he only gained 2 oz from last Thursday). Babies this age are supposed to gain half an ounce to one ounce a day, so he's not getting as much as he should be. After comparing this week's results with last week, and measuring how much he should be getting at each feeding, we realized that he is getting about 2 ounces, but he should be getting three ounces. So now the lactation specialist is having me pump at least twice a day to try to increase my supply. She hopes that if I start to produce more milk, each feeding will begin to take less time (as he grows bigger and stronger). I am totally up for doing what ever it will take to get him what he needs, but it is going to be tricky to fit in two pumpings ever day along with all the regular feedings and everything else. However, I do have hopes that as he gets the nourishment he needs, he'll be less crabby.

In other baby news, Benjamin really seems to be getting more hair (looking more blond-- although not in these pictures), and his eyes seem to be lightning too.

two steps BACK

sure, he LOOKS angelic

As great as Saturday night was (for Benjamin NOT crying and fretting for hours before bed), last night was worse than before. He not only screamed off and on for four hours until one in the morning, but then after his last night time feeding (when I can usually get an extra hour or two of sleep), he started all over again. JOY. This was especially annoying because Clay had to get up at 4 am to drive to Brownsville today for work. Even though I take care of Benjamin during the night time feedings/changings, our house is so small it's hard to block out our little boys fabulous set of lungs. I've tried four times today to nap when he naps and he keeps waking up just as I doze off. I sure hope tonight is better!

On a non-baby-related, but very positive note, I'd like to say my mother-in-law is a problem-solving genius. When she was here taking care of me after Benjamin was born she noticed our disgusting bird poop problem. Our driveway is right under two big trees and the cars are constantly being splattered with bird mess. This has annoyed us for years, and in a day or so she had actually come up with (and bought) a solution: a large plastic owl. The owl has been sitting on the garage roof for more than a week now, and there is NO bird mess on our cars. This is so wonderful!

NO screaming last night!

Just bearly waking up this morning.

My favorite nighttime jammies

I don't know why, but Benjamin didn't spend the last 2-3 hours before bedtime inconsolably screaming last night!!!

As far as we can tell, it doesn't seem to be diet related (yesterday I ate the way I usually do, including dairy), but maybe maybe we'll have more evenings like that soon!

(possibly) the best onesie ever

Coffee & bath time

Between Clay watching Benjamin for two hours of evening fussy-time last night and us sleeping in this morning, I actually got a cobbled-together total of 8 hours of sleep last night!!!! Miraculous!

We had thought about going to the farmer's market this morning, but it got a bit late (& hot), so instead we decided to tackle giving Benjamin his first non-sponge bath. Aside from a minor fiasco when at first we didn't realize we had to click the two parts of the tub into place (causing the counter top and silverware drawer to get a bit flooded), his first bath was a success. Eventually there will be bath time pictures, but today we felt like we needed "all hands on deck" for his first bath.

After lunch we went to our favorite coffee place and I had my first bit of real caffeine since he was born. It will be very interesting to see if the caffeine seems to transfer to him, & if I totally regret my little coffee indulgence.

When times are tough in your new age

In case you wanted to watch almost five minutes of footage of Ben (mostly being burped, and of his various facial expressions) set to the Polyphonic Spree.

Benjamin week 3 from Clay Hackett on Vimeo.

Video editing is slow business, but I'm getting the hang of it.

Just a few pictures

There's no real news to report today. The only real tidbit that I have is that for about a week now I've been saying "Benjamin" and "milk" when ever I'm about to feed him, and now sometimes those words seem to have a calming effect on him. It may be my imagination though, because it is still really early for that kind of memory-linking.

Tongue tied!?

Because I am still having problems getting Benjamin to comfortably nurse, I made an appointment with the hospital's lactation specialist RN today. It was weird (and nice) being back at the hospital for something not scary.

The lactation specialist was great, and she spent more than an hour and a half working with Benjamin and me. The conclusion we came to is that between my anatomy and his desire to tuck his lower lip in, instead of out in a pout (which is how it should be), together we only have a few millimeters of room for error for non-painful nursing. Benjamin also tends to almost immediately slip off of a "good latch", which means that even when find that perfect milk-providing-non-painful spot, it usually doesn't last longer than a minute (at best). (She even said she was impressed I had stuck with breast feeding given all the issues we have!) Now, of course, I CAN continue to use the nipple shield that they gave me when Benjamin was born, but it is quite annoying to have to have that on hand when ever it's feeding time.

The big ah-ha moment we of the afternoon, however, is that the lactation specialist thinks Benjamin may have a slight tongue-tie (the evidence of which is in the squared shape of his tongue and his inability to keep latched on correctly). In its worst forms, tongue tied-ness can give someone speech problems and keep them from doing things like licking a lollipop. The lactation specialist doesn't think it's enough of a tongue tie to give him problems enunciating later in life, but it could easily be keeping him from staying latched on correctly. Apparently the surgery to correct lasts only a few seconds, and often immediately afterwards the baby is able to nurse again.

The lactation specialist suggested I speak to my pediatrician about it (we have an appointment with the pediatrician in about a week and a half), and see what he says. She also said that often pediatricians only focus on the child, and since Benjamin is gaining weight okay, he may not think surgery is necessary; however, if the tongue tie is making nursing too uncomfortable/ineffective, we wouldn't necessarily need the doctor's referral to get the surgery done.

.....So..... that's a lot for me to take in and think about. In the meantime she had some suggestions for making nursing more efficient and better and I have an appointment with her next Tuesday to see how he's gaining weight and how her suggestions are working.

In other news, last night Benjamin was as angelic as he was demonic the previous night, giving me plenty of sleep. Clay's been looking up fussiness, and read that it can have to do with food allergies. The most common of which are milk and cruciferous veggie (like broccoli and cabbage). So next week I'm going to try no dairy or cruciferous veggies and see if it helps get rid of the evening screaming fits that Benjamin seems to enjoy having every night starting around 7 or 8. (Although I've read, and the lactation specialist confirmed today, that evening fussiness is very normal.)


Also, I've lost another two and a half pounds in the week and two days since I weighed myself!

Night time is for screaming

Just when it seemed like dear little Benjamin had gotten into some what of a sleep schedule, he kept me up till around three in the morning last night alternately crying, eating, and staring bright-eyed around the room. We think it's probably a sign of a growth spurt (we've read this usually happens around 2-3 weeks). It makes me wonder what tonight has in store!

At least Benjamin let me sleep a bit off and on this morning (as you can see from the pictures below he's slept just fine today). I feel sorry for Clay, though, since he got up around 1 to give me a little break & then had to go to work as usual.

In other news, Benjamin's grip is definitely getting stronger; it seems like there is more of a reason to what he grabs onto, too. Like this morning during tummy time he grabbed onto the floor mat and used that to help him maneuver.

Another good thing: today is the first day I've gone completely without pain medication, and I'm doing just fine! Oh yeah, and today is his 3 week birthday!!! It's hard to believe it's only been three weeks!

I think Benjamin looks a LOT like Clay here!!!

Not so hot

We had a bit of an oven disaster last night. Clay texted me around 5:30 to say he was on his way home from work, so I started to pre-heat the oven. As Clay was pulling into the driveway I went back to the kitchen to put dinner in the oven, and was hit by strong gas fumes.  Panicking, I turned off the oven and checked if it was hot inside (it wasn't). As soon as he got inside, Clay hustled both me and Benjamin outside to get away from the smell (where we were promptly surrounded by mosquitoes, but NOT noxious fumes). Not fun. Meanwhile, one of the many homemade freezer meals I had defrosted for this week was sitting uncooked out on the counter, and our stomachs were growling.

Luckily for me, Clay saved the day by knocking on our neighbor's door and getting an oven-repair-guy recommendation. The neighbor invited Benjamin and me in to wait in the cool while Clay got the house aired out. We ended up getting a to-go order of food for dinner, and coming home to a non-stinky house. It's funny how much more something like that totally screws up an evening when you have a vulnerable baby to worry about.

The repair guy came today and fixed the oven, so hopefully we'll be enjoying a nice meal at home tonight with no drama.

There's no real Benjamin news today, but below are two "I just finished eating and I can't decide if I'm sleepy or wiggly" photos from this morning. I think I have changed his outfits three times since then due to one sort of soiling or the other. The upside of that is that Benjamin is definitely getting use out of all the cute clothes we were given!

And a good weekend was had by all

Our little family had a lovely weekend: the first "normal" weekend since Benjamin was born. I feel like we're really getting routines down a bit better, and starting to figure things out. Meal times are still a little tricky (inevitably Benjamin is ready to eat just as we're sitting down to a meal), but I am definitely learning to do more things one-handed.

We got to introduce little Benjamin to more of our friends, and got done a lot of little things I'd been wanting to go (like hanging the "fairy door" Clay's mom got me in a backyard tree; see picture below). Also, the incredible Clay saw to it that I only changed like 2 diapers (during the day time, anyway) ALL weekend.

Right now Benjamin is enjoying a bit of "tummy time", and is managing pretty well to raise and turn his head every so often (also pictured below). It will be great when he has true neck control and isn't so floppy-necked.

Sweeter than the ripple wine

Those of my parents' generation probably remember Loudon Wainwright for his song "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road." My generation is more likely to recognize him as either A) the dad from Undeclared, or B) Rufus Wainwright's father.

Little Ben spends a lot of time eating. During one of his marathon feeding sessions, I was reminded of one of Loudon Wainwright's lesser-known songs...

"Rufus is a Tit Man" wormed its way into my brain a couple of days ago and hasn't let go since. For having a song stuck in my head, I won't complain about Loudon...

Fatherhood and the Art of Public Parenting

I had the profoundly-obvious realization this morning that there have been blogs with multiple authors since the advent of blogging, that this feature could be used in my wife's blog, and that it might be a good idea if I were to, I dunno, contribute to the family blog. When I shared this thought with Tree, she made the monumental mistake of inviting me as an author to what has otherwise up until now been a nice place on the internet for people to read about what's happening with our son. I'm confident that my contributions will lower the tone, tenor, and quality of your reading experience.

See Exhibit 1, attached. This is my son looking like a Baby Pharaoh in the improbably-difficult process of undressing him. Under most circumstances, he is squirmy and recalcitrant when we want to either add or subtract clothing from his body. In this case, he was what the lactation consultant at the hospital called "Milk Drunk," and as such was in no state to put up a fight. I took the photo for a personal, private laugh, but I guess if I'm going to be a father of questionable judgment then I might as well put such things up on the internet, right?

More to come.

Wearing Mr. Benjamin

As bad as yesterday was is as good as today has been. Last night Clay took charge of Benjamin right after his late evening feeding & let me go to sleep (while Clay undertook the tricky task of settling him down for the night). So I got a good 4-5 hour stretch of sleep, which made ALL the difference in today!

After seeing how successful Clay was "wearing" Benjamin last might when we walked to Walmart, I decided to try the baby backpack on myself this morning. Not only did Benjamin like it, he fell asleep as I got some house work done! It was great to be able to be close to my little one without my arms getting super tired! Hurray for a small victory!

Then this afternoon I took Benjamin for his first car trip with just me by myself (which worked out nicely). We picked up some photos I was having printed and then returned something at Target, & mostly he just slept soundly in his car seat.

Pictured below are the baby backpack (you can't see Ben in it), Benjamin having a little tummy time when Clay came home for lunch, and Benjamin napping on me (going on as I write this).

Neeeeeed..... Sleeeep

So today was my first full day with Clay back from Boston (yeah!!!!!!), although of course he had to ho to work today. But it's also my first day of just me taking care of Benjamin all day(which has been trickier than I thought-with only one pair of arms around to soothe baby).

I think things would have been mostly just fine if Benito had let me get more than 2 hours of sleep at a time last night, OR if he had napped more than 10 minutes at a time this morning. Every time I tried to put him down he'd start screaming bloody murder.

I thought two week old infants were supposed to sleep a lot more than this!! Luckily for me, Clay coming home from lunch helped return a bit of my sanity, but still! This afternoon I finally was able to put him down for a nap and sleep a couple of hours myself, do I feel a bit better now.

I think one of the hardest things about this all is just not knowing how to make things better and when they will get better. I know everyone says this phase doesn't last long, but since I'm in the middle of it right now, it sure can wear on the psyche!

Fun times with Auntie

Benjamin and I have had a fantastic two days with his Aunt Katie! We are both so lucky to have her here bringing constant cheer, enthusiasm, and fun!!!

Today we all took a little trip to Target (during which Benito screamed only most of the time), and didn't calm down until we got back out into the sweaty San Antonio heat of the parking lot. I've noticed that going outside often zonks him out, at least for a short while.

Then Katie helped me with his first (of many) at-home photo sessions. Afterwards we had an adventure trying to use non-toxic paint to take his foot and hand prints (with much less success on the hand prints). I'm really going to miss having Katie around!

I also had my two week doctor's appointment at which I was told I'm healing from the c-section just fine, I can start driving again tomorrow, and I've lost TWENTY POUNDS in the last two weeks. Sweet.

Oh yeah, and Clay gets home from Boston tomorrow!!! Yeah!!!!!!

Benjamin's first park outing!!

I had my best nights sleep yet (a complete 4 hour uninterrupted stretch plus three one hour stretches), felt quite good this morning.

Then Katie and I took Benjamin to Brackenridge Park where we figured out his new stroller (which is very light-weight and works great) & then took a little stroll along the canal where ducks and a heron were swimming. Benjamin slept the whole time, but I know I really enjoyed getting out of the house.

LOST:one umbilical cord!!!!!

Just this afternoon we lost our umbilical cord!!!! Yeah!!!!!! First milestone :)

Don't let his screams in the picture confuse you. He's glad it's gone too.

One hour at a time...

Things are still going well in baby Benjamin land. Even so, every so often I think about all the days and weeks and months that will have to pass before I get even close to having a good night's sleep or until he can sit up, or play, and feel very overwhelmed.

I think I need to be more like one of Cesar Milan's dogs and try to live in the moment and not focus on the future so much. I keep trying to remind myself to enjoy each hour he is calm and happy, and center my thoughts on that.

In other news, Clay's mom, Irene, has spent the last week taking wonderful care of me, comforting me, and helping out in every way possible. Around noon, (after going one last round of dishes), she headed back home. My uber fun sister-in-law, Katie, has now come to pick up the caring for Tree + Benito torch. Clay has had to go to Boston again for a few days, but when he returns on Wednesday he shouldn't have any more over night trips for a long time.

A few bright spots to report:

For the first time in a week and a half I got a whopping 4 and half hours of uninterrupted sleep!! Babies this young who are breast fed are supposed to eat every 2-3 hours, but are allowed one 4-5 hour period, and he actually gave me one last night!

Happy point number two: Yesterday I forgot to mention that the doctor said Benjamin now weighs 6 lbs 15 oz, which is 1 ounce over his birth weight. The standard expectation is that babies regain their birth weight by two weeks of age, so Benjamin's ahead of the curve there!

Also, we had a lot of fun seeing Leilani, Luis, and their kids last night. Leilani is a baby-problem-fix-it-guru. She showed me a way to burp Benjamin that we hadn't tried before that actually WORKS (nothing we had previously tried had been very successful at all and that had led to a lot of spit-up in the bassinet). She also showed us the best way to file Benjamin's fingernails and then filed them for us, so maybe he won't wake up with so many little scratch marks.

The last bright spot is the huge success of the swing Benjamin's Aunt Katie got him. Just now I had to hang up the phone with Benjamin's Gramma and Pop because he was screaming, and I put him in the swing and turned on the music function on the swing (for the first time), and he almost immediately stopped screaming and is sitting there happily chewing on his fingers and staring around the room. THANK goodness.

Clay had actually already begun to discover how much of a music lover Benjamin is when he started playing MP3s earlier and that calmed him down. So we are making small steps towards sanity. Baby steps, I should say.   :)

Two "firsts" today:

Benjamin went on his first outing (Irene called it his first "field trip") today, and behaved wonderfully, both in the car and in the store. Irene and I went to Walmart together this morning to get more baby supplies, etc. Every now and then he'd make a little noise, but mostly he just slept under the covering of his car seat.

Then Clay was able to take off from work to come with me to Benjamin's first pediatrician visit. All went very well. We really liked the pediatrician, and he answered the tons of questions I had brought with me. Little Ben, on the other hand, did NOT enjoy the visit, and screamed most of the time. That's ok, though. I know just how he feels.

The BIG scare:

Sunday  afternoon, after a lovely lunch provided by our friends Jenna and Mike, we tried to wake  Benjamin up, and couldn't. Nothing we did would wake him up: loud noises, a damp, cool, cloth, wiggling his arms and legs, etc. This went on for at least 15 minutes and we started getting really scared. Clay called the pediatrician which put him through to a hospital nurse, who told him to go to the emergency room. Needless to say, this was another one of those "scariest moments". I seem to be having a lot of those lately.

  

At the emergency room, they couldn't get him to wake up either, so he was admitted as a patient in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). Since I am exclusively breast feeding, they found an empty hospital room for me to stay in too. We ended up being in the hospital for 3 days, and after many tests were run, nothing conclusive was found.

The doctor thought the most likely culprits were a unusual reaction to the pain meds I was on from the c-section, or something to do with his hematoba (he was born with a bump on his head that had three little scratches on it from the vitals monitoring). The doctor drained the lump of blood, and now he has a pretty little perfect head. 

We are now back home, and I couldn't have survived the last few days without my mother-in-law, Irene who came down to stay with me and help. She is so wonderful!!